Monday, January 26, 2009

My Favorite War Story

Every home inspector has a hatful of well-rehearsed war stories he’ll tell without provocation, and I’m no exception. Nasty crawl spaces, nasty dogs, nasty homeowners, after this long in the business I’ve seen ‘em all - at least I thought I had. What happened to me a few years back is the first home inspector war story I’ve heard, that actually approached warfare.

I did an inspection for a very nice client in the summer of 2002. The condo was in Boston’s Back Bay where at the time, a 475 square foot one bedroom unit ran about $400,000 plus a few hundred a month in condo fees. A single parking space in this neighborhood can cost $100,000! The inspection didn’t turn up anything particularly noteworthy, but toward the end of the inspection, my client took me aside and told me she was paying about $30,000 below market value for the unit. She said the owner discovered this only after he accepted her offer in writing and now he was angry. Mind you, a signed offer to purchase is a legally binding document, so there was nothing he could do about it by this stage.

Three months later I got a call from my client, Ms. Happy Homebuyer. It seems Mr. Disgruntled Homeowner began to stall and eventually refused to proceed in the transaction after finding out he could have got more money for his unit. They went to court and my client won. The owner was forced to proceed with the sale and they were scheduled to close in six weeks. During this time, she had received several threats of physical harm in writing and over voicemail from the owner. The Boston Police Dept. had already locked him up once and criminal proceedings were underway.

One of the threats he made was to damage the unit in such a way that would not be apparent until causing my client great harm several weeks after closing. The other unit owners had received similar threats, and though they were scared, they all thought he was a harmless nut. My client said she was terrified, but for reasons I still can’t begin to understand, she still wanted to buy the place. She asked me to be present for her final walk through on the morning of the closing and look for more damage that this lunatic might have done. I explained to her that this kind of thing is way beyond my field of expertise, but she persisted and since I guess I have a soft spot for Damsels in Distress, I told her I would do my best, I could provide no guarantees and it’s going to be expensive. She said money was not an issue (hadn’t it become the only issue?) and she would sleep better knowing I’d look the place over, so I agreed and we arranged a date.

I had barely got out of the driveway heading toward this forensic inspection (specifically scheduled for 9:00-11:00 am by court order) when my cell phone rings at about 8:00 am. My client tells me that a locksmith is supposed to meet us there and change the locks during our inspection. The owner has moved out all of his belongings, but had said that he intended to violate this court order and remain in the unit until the locksmith leaves. She went on to say that there is a 50/50 chance that he will make the inspection impossible and in that case, she’ll write me a check for my 2 hour minimum, and send me home. Her attorney and the seller’s attorney were going to be in the unit at 9 am sharp to try and convince this fellow to leave peacefully and comply with the court order. She then instructed me to proceed to the inspection, park my truck nearby, but out of sight of the unit and wait to be contacted. It was beginning to sound a little clandestine, so I asked her if we should synchronize our watches and give each other code names and if so, I’d like to be called Agent 86. She laughed a nervous laugh and we hung up.

I got there plenty early and parked around the corner, not quite 150 yards from the front door. By 9:30 am, I hadn’t been contacted, so I called the cell phone number she’d given me, but a guy answered. I thought I might have the wrong number, but I gave him my name and asked to speak with my client, and after a short pause, he handed the phone to her. She explained that the locksmith was a little late, but the lawyers and the listing real estate agent were there, and the owner was yelling at everyone. “By the way”, she asked, “Where are you parked?” I told her where I was and described my truck. Thirty seconds later a midnight blue Pathfinder with tinted windows swoops in behind me and a tough looking guy in a long coat leaps out of the driver side and opens the back door, letting my client and a geeky-looking fellow out. It took me by surprise, but I got out of the truck and met them on the sidewalk, where, if this doesn’t sound too dramatic, I was debriefed.

It turns out the geeky-looking guy is my client’s friend from San Francisco. He flew out from SF last week, hired private investigators to 1) provide round the clock surveillance on the owner for 48 hours prior to the scheduled closing (which was 1:00 that afternoon), and 2) provide a bodyguard for my client for the 24 hours preceding the closing. This bodyguard was driving the Pathfinder. The bodyguard was pretty nice and we got to be about as friendly as I have ever gotten with someone carrying a gun. Her “friend” also rented a suite in a nearby hotel for a few days prior for my client, him, and the PI’s to stay in. Some friend, huh? It’s just a hunch, but I had a feeling this guy was bucking for a promotion from “friend” to boyfriend…

She told me that the court order allowing me to do this inspection expires at 11:00 am, and since I asked for 2 hours to do this inspection and we were going to get off to a late start, she didn’t want me to run out of time should the owner try to throw us out at 11 on the dot. Would I mind starting the inspection now, with the nutcase in the unit, as long as the attorneys and the listing agent were there as well? I told her I couldn’t do my best work while I was concerned about getting clobbered from behind, and she reluctantly agreed. Ten minutes later, the surveillance guy radios the bodyguard and after a short discussion he looked at me and said: “Good call on waiting for this guy to leave. The nut job just threw the listing agent down the front stairs of the brownstone, into the street, and the Boston Police are on their way.” Four cruisers containing five officers swarmed the front of the building within minutes.

The listing agent declined to pursue a criminal complaint because if the seller were arrested and sent to jail that morning, he couldn’t be there for the closing (translation: “No commission”), so the cops just told the owner to leave. While this was being sorted out, the wannabe boyfriend suggested we wait in a nearby coffee shop. The bodyguard whisked us away and we sipped our $4.00 coffees to a symphony of cell phone rings, and the obvious annoyance of everyone in the store.

Next, my client gets a call from her parents, who are en route to the scene. She tells them in a very loud and agitated voice that under no circumstances are they to go to the property. When she hangs up, she confessed to us all that her father has a permit to carry concealed weapons in his home state, but not Massachusetts, and she doesn’t want him to get in trouble with the police. From this, I cleverly deduced that he had brought his gun with him, and I wondered just how little provocation he’d need to pull it out on the guy who is threatening and harassing his daughter. Not much, I concluded, and that’s when I stopped being amused and got a little scared.

If that isn’t enough drama for you (keep in mind this was also Friday the 13^th), read on. My client had to close on the property she was selling in order to purchase this property. That closing was scheduled for 9am this same morning (my client had signed her papers in advance). But her buyer got seriously ill and wanted to delay the closing, an otherwise reasonable request, except it would have blown the pending deal completely (not such a bad thing, as it turns out). So, my client had another attorney chasing this woman’s signatures down in Massachusetts General Hospital, while our little story was unfolding.

We were in the coffee shop for about an hour and a half, getting regular updates from the surveillance guy, attorneys, and other interested parties. I even called home for a reality check because I was starting to feel like I was in a scene from a movie, when my client’s cell phone rings for the umpteenth time. “No!” she shouts. “Are you kidding me?! I told you not to go there, you have to get out and meet us in the coffee shop NOW!” (expletives deleted). Mom and (vigilante) Dad were calling her from within the unit while the BPD were removing the owner from the scene. I silently thanked Providence that the cops were there, and I wasn’t. Mom and Dad walked over without incident and met us, then the scene quieted down.

Having met during the original inspection, I exchanged pleasantries with her folks and they thanked me for coming out again. They said it made them feel better to have me there, but I couldn’t say the same. After maybe 10 minutes or so, the PI doing surveillance reported that although the owner was not arrested, the cops had taken him away to cool off. The scene was deserted and secure and we could come on over, so we did. It was now nearly 11, and the closing was scheduled for 1:00. When we got there, we noticed the owner’s moving van was still parked a few doors down. That meant he would have to come back at some point, it was just a question of when.

So off I go to start my reinspection. The thing was: the place was locked and only the seller’s attorney had the keys. My client called him, and after a long and heated cell phone conversation (he said she blew her chance to do the inspection at the appointed time, regardless of the fact that the owner was there), he had the listing real estate agent come back to the scene to let us in. Still smarting from his ride down the stairs, he limped back up, opened the doors, and hobbled away. It was 11:30. By now, several frightened occupants of the building had gathered in the unit to make sure this guy was gone and gather what gossip they could. They sure seemed glad to meet my client.

After an hour and a half of looking for any signs of tampering with any of the systems, I couldn’t find a thing. The PI’s were in the unit with us the whole time, covering the front and back doors, which seemed like overkill to me until…..

Just as I was explaining to my client I had done everything I could think of and found nothing, the surveillance guy at the front door says loudly and calmly: “He’s ba-ack!” Down the street comes Mr. and Mrs. Disgruntled Homeowner, walking their teensy little dog. The wife had been a spectator all morning until now. Someone called the BPD, who showed up in record time and confronted him. They were shouting in the sidewalk as I gathered my things and readied to leave. Walking down the sidewalk towards my truck, I couldn’t help peering into the windows of his moving van, where his wife and dog were cowering in shame, when I heard footsteps right behind me, and coming faster. I was carrying a heavy toolbag on one shoulder and a 6 foot stepladder on the other, so I was an easy target. I casually turned my head to see who was coming, and don’t you know, it was him!

I honestly don’t know if he even knew that I was involved with the situation or not, because I don’t think he had ever seen me, but given my defenselessness and the level of tension throughout the morning, it was unnerving. It turns out, the cops let him go again and he was just returning to his truck, but my heart was pumping at top speed.

So, I loaded up my tools, and hopped in my truck to head home. But I waited until I was a few blocks out of sight of the whole scene before I figured I was safe. The bodyguard emailed me the next day to say that the rest of the day was uneventful. The whole entourage was at the closing, which went smoothly. The bodyguard remained involved for a little while loner, though, since now that my client owns the property, her “friend” is having security cameras installed on the front and back of the exterior and having the locks changed again, just to be safe. He went on to say that Mr. Disgruntled Homeowner is an unemployed architect with no criminal history, but has had 7 addresses in the past ten years and shows a complete disregard for the authority of the legal system. The PI’s best guess is that this guy’s life is in a downward spiral and they haven’t heard the last of him. I sure hope I have.

Jim Morrison
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Morrison Home Inspections
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Home Inspectors

The field of Home Inspections is only about 30 years old, and exactly what it is we do still confuses a lot of people. Most people interact with us when they are in the midst of a tumultuous real estate transaction, a confusing time for anyone, so their idea of our job description is vague at best.

Home inspectors evaluate all of the mechanical, structural, and electrical components of houses. They use a few tools, their experience, and intuition to profile the condition of houses and condominiums. Some of us do this for commercial properties as well.

Most of the time people hire us to evaluate properties they are trying to purchase, but increasingly folks are hiring us to inspect their homes before they put them on the market. The idea is that a thorough inspection will reveal problems up front and make the transaction go more smoothly. Occasionally, someone who inherits a property will hire me to go through it with a fine toothed comb and tell them everything that’s wrong with it. Armed with that information, they can decide to keep the house, rent it, or sell it, depending on what is wrong and how much it will cost to repair.

A home inspection is not an appraisal, though the two are often confused. Home inspectors determine the condition of the house. Appraisers determine their value.

The work a home inspector does is also very different than what your Town Building Inspector does. In most cases, the Town Building Inspector spends less than 30 minutes in the houses he or she looks at. They’d love to spend more time policing the builders, but they’re all overworked. The Town Building Inspector is checking to make sure that the house being built (or added on to) meets the Massachusetts Building Code.

A few words about “The Code”. Our State Building Code is OK as far as codes go, but building a house that just “meets the code” is nothing to brag about. A house that “meets the code” is the cheapest, worst house you can legally get away with building. The building code is not a detailed instruction book on how to build a house. You’d be surprised by how thin the residential portion of it is, and how much is doesn’t say. Rather than try to cover every conceivable variable a builder might encounter, it is written in very general terms, analogous to the US Constitution –only we have the Supreme Court to interpret and instruct us on the application of the Constitution. Builders get to interpret and apply the Code for themselves. True, the Town Building Inspector does oversee them, but how much oversight can they provide in the 30 minutes they have to oversee a house that takes 90 days to build?

Some people hire home inspectors to evaluate the houses they are having built as well. We typically spend three hours inspecting an average sized property, but if clients want their homes inspected in multiple stages (once the foundation is placed, after it is fully framed, and finally at 95% completion), it can take much longer. This is not a “code compliance” inspection, though. Only the municipal building inspector has the authority to determine what complies and what doesn’t. Home Inspectors are more concerned with “what will work over the long term” than “what passes”. Remember, you can still pass the code with a D-, and nobody wants to take out a 30 year mortgage on a D-.

We don’t tell people to buy, or not to buy, in fact, that’s illegal. We just tell them what’s wrong with the house, period.

Over the last 20+ years, I’ve probably inspected around 4000 homes ranging in price from about $40K to $12 million. I used to say that I’ve never seen a problem that couldn’t be fixed, and I guess that’s still technically true, but I saw one a while back that could be the exception to the rule. It’s what builders might call a “scraper” which means, it was in such bad shape, it should be scraped off the foundation, and a new house should be built in its place. These situations are rare, but the lot is often worth more with the house torn down.

The problem with scraping this house was: it had no foundation from which to scrape it.

The house was a shack, built a couple hundred meters from shores of the Quabbin Reservoir maybe 40 years ago. The poor person who lived there had moved into it when her parents built it and now that her parents were gone, she lived there alone. Actually, that isn’t quite true. She had an overfed, overprotective Rottweiler there with her. When I stepped inside, she told me that the dog wasn’t used to company, and didn’t like men and the dog reiterated it with a low growl through bared teeth.

The house was small. It had four rooms, one of which housed a half dozen or so caged birds and some reptiles. There was no evidence that a single surface in that house had been painted –or even cleaned- since day one. The air in that house gagged my client and me and we both kept making excuses to go outside to retrieve one “forgotten” item or another. The air outside wasn’t much better because the entire house was surrounded by about a 30 meter wide ring where the dog went to do his thing and nobody cleaned up after him, either.

The roof was old and leaky. The fusebox was dangerous and antiquated. There was no bathroom, no toilet, no tub, there was no septic system. There used to be an outhouse years ago, but the woman didn’t walk much these days and relied on a bedpan and daily visits from a home health aide. The kitchen sink was the only plumbing fixture in the house and its waste pipe simply emptied out onto the ground outside.

There was an old kerosene heater that was in decent condition, but that was about it. The best thing that ever could’ve happened to that house was my client. She bought it dirt cheap, cleaned it up, applied a few band aids while using it as a weekend place, and will tear it down and build something nice in a few years.

The point being, my job was to provide my client with relevant, accurate information that would aid her in the decision making process, not steer it. It was a disaster, but it was exactly what she was looking for. So, armed with my report, she bought it and is probably making plans to spend the weekend there as you read this.

That’s what home inspectors do.

Winter Maintenance

Winter isn’t as far away as it seems. Doing a few chores now can save you time, money, and aggravation when the cold weather comes. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Outside

Have the gutters cleaned. Gutters have nothing to do with ice dams, but clogged rain gutters can exacerbate the problem. Have them cleaned out when the leaves stop falling so they can collect roof drainage and direct it away from the house.

If you have had ice dam problems in the past, you may want to contact a ventilation expert and/or a roofer to make some improvements that will virtually eliminate the problem. A well vented, well insulated attic will rarely have an ice dam problem, and the installation of ice and water shield beneath the shingles on the low roof edges and valleys is great insurance!

Late Fall/ early Winter is when critters often enter our homes to build a nest and ride out the cold weather. So walk around the exterior looking for ways small animals can enter your house and seal them off! If a mouse can fit its head into an opening, it can wriggle the rest of its body through, so look carefully for those small holes!

Shut off the sill cocks (garden hose spigots) from the inside and drain the water out of the line to prevent them from freezing and bursting during cold weather. This is a good time to examine the water and heating pipes along the basement’s outside walls to make sure they are properly insulated.

Clean leaves and other debris out of the window wells to make sure you are maintaining at least six inches between the soil and any wood members.

Make sure your storm windows are lowered and not broken. You may want to reapply caulking where is has deteriorated on the exterior. Note: There should be a space visible from the interior between the bottom of the storm window and the wooden window frame to allow water to drain out of the window well. Don’t make the costly mistake of caulking these weepholes as it will collect rainwater and cause the window sills to decay. If the weepholes in your windows have become clogged, unclog them or drill new ones.

If you have thermopane windows in your home, have any of them become cloudy? If so, the vacuum seals are broken, they have lost their insulating value, and they should be replaced.

Take a walk around the exterior of the house and look for areas that need attention. Are there sections of rain gutters that were pulled away from the house by snow and ice? How much have last year’s small pockets of wood decay grown?

If those stairs got really slick last year from winter snow and ice, maybe this is the time to have them coated with a textured paint. Never use salt to melt ice on masonry stairs or walks, it deteriorates the masonry. Instead, shovel them as cleanly as possible, and use clean sand if needed to provide better traction.

If that old front door was too drafty, replace the weather-stripping now weather and get ready for the first frost.

Heating system

Bleed the air out of your forced hot water radiators or baseboards. You should never hear water rushing through the pipes or radiators. If you do, it means there is air in the line and the system should be bled.

Do the air vents on your steam radiators work properly? Most homes have very old air vents that leak steam and/or water (they should only vent air) or don’t work at all. These are simple to replace and can often improve the performance of the system. Replacing old air vents with new adjustable air vents provides you with a much greater degree of control over the heat in each room. Never try to control the heat output of a steam radiator with the shutoff valve! It will damage the valve.

Be sure to drain some water out of the low water cutoff valve on your steam boiler every few weeks during the heating season. Also, be sure the water level is high enough in the boiler. If you don’t know how, ask your heating contractor to show you.

A good time to have the heating system serviced is prior to the start of the season. Most people with oil heat will do this anyway, but it is just as important with a gas-fired unit.

Replace the air filter on your forced warm air heating system before the season begins and every 6 weeks or so after that, depending on your home. Many people with allergies find that having the ductwork and air handler professionally cleaned provides them with a lot of relief in the winter, when they spend more time indoors.

Avoid wide temperature variations when setting the thermostats. Try to pick a setting and leave it there. Keeping the house really warm when you’re home and really cool when you’re away typically wastes more energy than it saves. And if you’re too cool at 68 degrees, put on a sweater!

Basement

Drain the water heater (this should be done monthly) If the water heater is over 5 years old and this drain cock at the base of the tank has never been opened, think twice about opening it now.

Take the temperature of the hot water. If its any hotter than 120° F, you are wasting energy, so turn it down! Also, insulating your water heater will lower operating costs and improve longevity. Just make sure the insulation does not interfere with the burner or pressure-temperature relief valve.

Have your water heater serviced. Most people never do this and are surprised at the suggestion. However, there is no combustion or mechanical device that won’t benefit from an annual inspection and tune-up.

Check the dryer exhaust hose for lint buildup and clean it out. This is a good time to make the exhaust hose as straight as possible and eliminate sags in the hose that collect lint and water.

Trip circuitbreakers monthly.

Test GFI protected circuitbreakers and receptacles monthly.

Interior

The fireplace/wood stove flue should be professionally cleaned and inspected before you begin using it for the season. Also, make sure the fireplace damper is closed when you are not using the fireplace. Leaving it open will suck heat from your house at an alarming rate, and allow an entry point for critters!

It is not uncommon for people who go away for long periods of time to “winterize” their homes while they are away. This means that in order to save some money by not heating the house when unoccupied, they shut the water off at the main and drain the water out of the system, and pour antifreeze in the fixtures to prevent the traps from freezing. Some will even add antifreeze to the heating system as well. In my experience, this work is best done by an experienced professional. It is the very rare homeowner who is able to do this without causing serious damage to their home. My advise to anyone who is going away during the cold weather is: turn the heat down, but never off. If you really want to turn the heat off, hire a licensed plumber to winterize your home, and make sure you have someone check the house periodically while your gone.

Are all of your smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors in good working order? Replacing the batteries when daylight saving time is over is a great idea.

Is your attic fully insulated? What about crawl spaces and the basement ceiling?

Flow restrictors and aerators on plumbing fixtures conserve energy and water, and will more than pay for themselves over the life of the fixture. Installing these devices is within the capabilities of most homeowners too!

Vacuum the coils on your refrigerator to remove the dirt the blocks heat transfer and reduces efficiency. This appliance is in continuous operation throughout the year, so it pays to keep it clean!

Fall Maintenance

Winter isn’t as far away as it seems. Doing a few chores now can save you time, money, and aggravation when the cold weather comes. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Outside

If you have had ice dam problems in the past, you ought to hire a roofer to make install the right kinds of vents, which will virtually eliminate the problem. A well vented, well insulated attic will rarely have an ice dam problem, and the installation of ice and water shield beneath the shingles on the low roof edges and valleys is great insurance against leaks!

Late Fall/ early Winter is when rodents often enter our homes to nest, and ride out the cold weather. Walk around the exterior looking for ways small animals can enter your house and seal them off! If a mouse can fit its head into an opening, it can wriggle the rest of its body through, so fix every dime sized hole you can find!

Shut off the sill cocks (garden hose spigots) from the inside and drain the water out of the line to prevent them from freezing and bursting during cold weather. This is also a good time to examine the water and heating pipes along your basement’s outside walls to make sure they are properly insulated.

Clean leaves and other debris out of the window wells to make sure you are maintaining at least six inches between the soil and any wood members.

If you have thermopane windows in your home, have any of them become cloudy? If so, the vacuum seals are broken, they have lost their insulating value, and they should be reglazed.

If that old front door was too drafty, replace the weather-stripping now weather and get ready for the first frost.

Heating system

Gas and oil prices will likely hit all time highs this winter, so reducing your home’s fuel consumption has never paid bigger dividends!

A good time to have the heating system serviced is prior to the start of the season. Most people with oil heat will do this anyway, but it is just as important with a gas-fired unit. All mechanical and combustion equipment runs better when it is thoroughly cleaned and serviced annually.

Weatherstrip your doors (I like the magnetic vinyl type of weatherstripping available at most home stores), or replace them with energy efficient doors. They’ll look better and keep the draft out.

Insulate your attic floor (never the roof sheathing), the exterior walls, and the basement/crawl space floor. The goal is to have a thermal barrier on the perimeter of the house which will keep the warmth in during the winter, and keep the heat out in the summer. Insulate as many exposed heating pipes and ducts as you can to make sure none of that heat is lost to unconditioned spaces like basements and attics.

If your pull down stairs are uninsulated, there is a six square foot hole in your thermal barrier. You can find a terrific Styrofoam cover for it at www.draftcap.com .

Replacing that old clunker of a heating system is an expensive proposition. Newer equipment is costly, but often consumes much less energy. However, if you are going to be living in your house for a long time, it may be worthwhile. When shopping for contractors to replace your system, be sure and have them perform a heat loss analysis on your home to determine the size of the system you need. Most heating systems are overdesigned by a wide margin. This means most people bought too much equipment, and have unnecessarily high operating costs. Always try to buy the smallest, highest efficiency system available. This pays off big time over the years. Bigger is not better, you want the right sized system.

Having an automatic vent damper installed on your smokepipe will dramatically lower standby losses in your system. It costs a few hundred dollars, but can save you up to 15% on your heating bill.

Replacing a standing pilot light with an electronic ignition also costs a few hundred dollars or so, but can reduce heating costs on gas fired systems by 5-10%.

Basement

Drain the water heater (this should be done monthly) If the water heater is over 5 years old and this drain cock at the base of the tank has never been opened, don’t do it now, it might not close. Just remember to do it on the next one.

Check the dryer exhaust hose for lint buildup and clean it out. This is a good time to make the exhaust hose as straight as possible and eliminate sags in the hose that collect lint and water. If the vent is clogged, the dryer loses efficiency and raises your operating costs.

Interior

Do you have smoke and CO detectors where you need them? Are they all working? Replacing the batteries when daylight saving time is over is a great idea.

Vacuum the coils on your refrigerator to remove the dirt the blocks heat transfer and reduces efficiency. This appliance is in continuous operation throughout the year, so it pays to keep it clean!

My Top Ten

Everyone who’s anyone has a Top Ten list, so why shouldn’t I? I don’t know how they get soda into the can, I couldn’t find the cosine of an angle if you drew me a map, and I don’t know how to get my kids to pick up their toys, but after 15 years, I’ve learned a lot about houses: how to build ‘em, and how to wreck ‘em. I’ve seen what works and I’ve seen what doesn’t. So if you’re planning to build a house or addition, or you’re simply remodeling your existing house, here’s my top ten list of Do’s and Don’ts, in no particular order:

Don’ts

1. Don’t install telephone jacks in the bathroom.

This started becoming common about 20 years ago. Now, unless you have access to one of those buttons that are necessary to respond to a nuclear attack, you know you don’t receive any calls important enough to interrupt a trip to the bathroom. And I think I speak for the rest of society when I tell you that we don’t want you to call us from the bathroom regardless of what you might be doing there, so what’s the point?

2. Don’t install cable TV jacks in the bathrooms.

Call me old fashioned, but I use the bathroom to perform a few necessary functions, then I leave. If I want to watch the telly, I do it on my couch, and I have never seen a show I didn’t mind missing for a few minutes while answering nature’s call. Why are we trying to turn bathrooms into family rooms? The fact that TV’s and DVD players are commonly found in many new American cars, bathrooms, and nearly every kids’ bedroom makes me fear for the future of our species.

3. Don’t bother having a standard sized whirlpool bathtub installed.

I wouldn’t waste my money on a regular sized tub with jets in the sides. People can spend a lot of money on these tubs and rarely use them, if ever. Most homeowners I run into don’t even know how to operate them because nobody has time to sit in the tub anymore and most tubs are too small for average sized adults anyway. I say: if you’re going to have one installed, make it a big one that you could fit at least two people in. Then, maybe you’ll make the time to soak in it.

4. Don’t use fake materials.

You know that waferboard stuff you see on the exterior walls of new houses that is supposed to be as good as plywood? It’s called OSB, and it’s only just as good as plywood until it gets wet, then its as good as cardboard. The reason you shouldn’t use it on roof and wall sheathing is because these exterior surfaces often get wet, and the OSB just doesn’t hold up. Besides, last time I checked the price of lumber, substituting it for plywood ends up saving you less than a thousand dollars (usually only ½ that), and with the cost of homes these days it just isn’t worth it. This stuff is fine for subflooring, but If I had my way, we’d keep it off the exterior surfaces.

That’s not to say all new materials are bad. I really like the cement based clapboards currently on the market. They look like wood, but they don’t pretend to be wood. They are made of cement and will probably outlast any other building component in the house.

While we’re on the subject, I also don’t like the melanine-coated particle board trim I’m starting to see a lot more of. It looks great out of the box, cuts easily, and takes paint nicely, but it nicks and dents very easily. If you have kids, or are planning to sell the house with someone with kids, my advice is: spring for real wood trim.

5. Don’t oversize heating equipment.

Make sure that whoever is installing your heating system has performed a thorough heat loss analysis on the structure first. Most systems are sized by “eyeballing” the house and putting in a unit that the installer is absolutely sure will heat the house. This typically results in a heating system that is oversized by a factor of two. On the coldest day of the year, your system should run almost continuously. Oversized systems mean you spent too much money on the equipment and installation, and your fuel bills will always be too high.

6. Don’t assume anything.

The details you might have seen in the model home are not necessarily included in your house, so make sure you ask if it isn’t clear. Most often you can get these extras put into your house for an additional charge, but you should be sure and check with the builder as early in the process as possible. Changing your mind during the building process can be very expensive and frustrating for you and your builder.

7. Don’t sign a contract without getting to know your builder.

Builders are no different than people in every other profession. There are the very good, the very bad, and the ones in-between. The builder who supervises the folks working on your home will make the difference between your dream home, and a nightmare. You should get to know him or her and if you’re not comfortable that the two of you are a good match, find a builder who suits you. You’ll both be glad you did.

Do’s:

8. Do build with 2x6 walls instead of 2x4’s.

They are much stronger and can hold more insulation. It’s worth it. They also allow for more insulation in the walls, and that reduces your energy costs. Forever.

9. Do insist that the foundation should stick up past the finished grade as far as possible-18” at the bare minimum.

This is the number one best thing you can do to discourage termites (and other serious problems). The Massachusetts Building Code has a minimum required distance between the finished grade and the lowest wood members, but it is widely ignored. Make sure the foundation sits nice and high and the soil slopes away from your house and you’ll be way ahead of the game. This is one of those things that is pretty difficult to change once the house is complete.

10. Do get a professional, independent home inspection.

OK, so this sounds a little self serving. People buying new homes today are typically spending $400,000 and up. Doesn’t it make sense to spend six or eight hundred dollars to have a knowledgeable professional evaluate the structure for you before you sign on the dotted line? Nobody wants to hear bad news, but like it or not, that's just about all I sell. Most buyers don’t really want to know what’s wrong with their new dream home, they’d rather assume everything is perfect. Your builder isn’t eager to have some know-it-all inspector come in and Monday morning quarterback him either. If there are real estate agents involved, they’d probably prefer that the purchase proceed as smoothly as possible too. The truth is: I’ve never had anyone come up to me at an inspection and say: “Thank God you’re here, we’re all so eager to have you nit-pick this house for 3-4 hours!” Its one of the reasons I still haven’t told my mother what I do for a living. But the truth is, every defect I’ve ever found in a house can be fixed and most of them are fixed easily. Why not address them right up front?

If Walls Could Talk...(TM)

Monday, January 26, 2009

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